Untitled

I'm the one without a soul
I'm the one with this big fucking hole
No new tale to tell
Twenty-six years on my way to hell
Gotta listen to your big time, hard line, bad luck
Fist fuck
Don't think you're having all the fun
You know me I hate everyone

three years I asked not to be alone on my birthday. 
and I’ve gotten the purest form of loneliness. it’s lead me to jail, enemies, and who knows what’ll be this year.

That idea came to me while driving and I realized there wasn’t anymore of your skin flakes on the passenger seat. 2 hours later it hits me what my brain was telling me. Came pretty close to crying in public. Maybe I should’ve cause a stranger could’ve asked what was wrong but no new person is ever going to care. The loneliness now sits in me. Even though for a couple of weeks I’ve been trying to be thankful for something new every morning when I wake up. And I try to do something good before the day ends. It’s gonna suck that my mom is leaving and it sucks to be truthful but I’m gonna miss that she took care of me. That’s when the a loneness is going to be the roughest and darkest. And no touch. Just my hand grabbing and nothing and grinding my jaw shut when I want to profess emotion.

the more I realize about how much you didn’t care the more I learn about how deep my self hatred runs.

I’m cranky
Posted up under my blankey
All I want is love but all I ever get is hard spankings
So im shaking
Fuming mad
And yes I am pacing
Left and right
Feet punish the ground
And I get high as kite
And I get drunk till im dry
And wake up late
With a headache
No I know it aint right
But im like, is it his fault or mine?
I think about it too much
Its probably normal and fine
But then I guess im lying
Cause deep down I know that im fucking trying
Real fucking hard
To attract this retard if only
I liked getting raped in the ass
but I cant go that far and if only
I liked fucking my mother but that’s just too bizarre and if only
I liked 5 cocks inside me all at once
then maybe he d take a break from those cunts
har fucking har
I must be dreaming
This vapid asshole just thinks that im needy
But im not needy
Ive just got actual feelings
So ill take them, yeah yes im leaving
im fleeing
this tacky war zone
my car can be my new home
cause if this is what it is
I think id rather just be alone

your niece would always stand just out of my left peripheral vision and just watch me.
she slept next to us.
and when i was talking to your nephews she would stop eating and just pay attention and i had to keep reminding her to eat.
she was so quiet.

your niece would always stand just out of my left peripheral vision and just watch me.

she slept next to us.

and when i was talking to your nephews she would stop eating and just pay attention and i had to keep reminding her to eat.

she was so quiet.

will i live out my days
with you being the only one
who was nice to me
why’d you have to love me
when i was dying
waking me to feel to find
warmth in you
washing my soul naked
wants dissolved and honesty took their place
words cant describe how you connected my childhood to the present
we both knew our magic
what we didnt know was how deep
waters ran under the earth

will i live out my days

with you being the only one

who was nice to me

why’d you have to love me

when i was dying

waking me to feel to find

warmth in you

washing my soul naked

wants dissolved and honesty took their place

words cant describe how you connected my childhood to the present

we both knew our magic

what we didnt know was how deep

waters ran under the earth

my sleeping bag is the closest thing I have to a home.
you left that too